How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
