we have officially lost it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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