I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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