Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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