I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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