Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
