I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
