I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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