At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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