i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Do vagina's smell?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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