how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
