it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
