I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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