So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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