Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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