It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
