I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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