I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
