Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
