are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
one two three fourrrrnication!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
