If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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