Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
