Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
