forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
