home. puking in laundry basket.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
