I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
