In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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