Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
