he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
