Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
