you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize