If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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