do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
