You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
