Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
