He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
