I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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