I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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