his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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