i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
sex in a hospital.. check
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize