This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
