Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
