I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize
