I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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