I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
