my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
