I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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