So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
