He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
