I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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