Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
