I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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