I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
two words...techno handjob
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
not ubering you a puppy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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