I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
