my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize