Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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