And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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