I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
