quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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