I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
