If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
