dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
it's like heaven, but drunker
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
