The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
