you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you win again, gameday.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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