So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
