She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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