I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
