You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
